How to Be Confident Around Women: 10 Tips That Actually Work
II was at a friend’s birthday dinner when she walked in. She was a friend of a friend—smart, easy to talk to, exactly my type. We ended up sitting across from each other at the table.
Perfect opportunity, right?
Instead, I spent the entire meal in my head. My hands felt awkward. I didn’t know where to look. When she asked me a direct question, I gave a short, boring answer and then went silent. I watched other guys at the table joke around with her naturally while I sat there like a nervous statue.
On the drive home, I replayed the whole night, cringing at every moment. The worst part wasn’t that she probably wasn’t interested—it was that I never even gave her a chance to see who I actually was. My lack of confidence had built a wall between us before we’d even really met.
That night, I made a decision. I was tired of my anxiety and insecurity controlling my interactions with women. I was tired of watching opportunities slip by because I couldn’t get out of my own way.
What followed was a messy, sometimes uncomfortable process of figuring out what confidence actually meant and how to build it. Not fake it—build it. Because I tried faking it, and it just made me feel more anxious.
Here are the ten things that actually worked. Not theory. Not motivational quotes. Real practices that shifted how I showed up around women and, honestly, around everyone.
Why Confidence Around Women Feels So Impossible
Before we get to what works, let’s be honest about why this is so hard.
Confidence around women—especially women you’re attracted to—feels impossible because the stakes feel enormous. Your brain treats potential rejection like actual danger. It’s not rational, but it’s real.
Add to that years of awkward interactions, comparisons to guys who seem naturally confident, and a culture that tells you that you should already know how to do this, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for anxiety.
I used to think confidence was something you either had or didn’t have. Turns out, it’s a skill. Like any skill, you can develop it. But you have to actually practice, not just think about practicing.
What Made My Lack of Confidence Worse
Before I share what helped, let me tell you what made things worse—because I wasted years doing these things.
Trying to be someone I wasn’t. I’d watch confident guys and try to copy their energy, their humor, their style. It never worked because it wasn’t authentic. Women could sense I was performing.
Waiting until I felt ready. I thought confidence would just arrive one day, and then I’d start talking to women. Spoiler: that day never came. Confidence doesn’t come before action—it comes from action.
Obsessing over what could go wrong. I’d play out every possible negative scenario before even saying hello. My brain was so busy protecting me from imaginary rejection that I created real rejection by never engaging.
Comparing my insides to everyone else’s outsides. I’d see guys who looked confident and assume they never struggled. I didn’t see their doubts or awkward moments—just their highlight reel.
Now, here’s what actually helped.
Tip 1: Start with Small, Low-Stakes Interactions
The first thing I did was stop trying to be confident in the situations that made me most nervous. Instead, I practiced in situations that didn’t matter as much.
I started having brief, friendly conversations with women in everyday contexts—baristas, cashiers, people in line at the grocery store. Not flirting. Just normal, human interaction.
Why this works: Confidence builds through repetition in manageable situations. You can’t learn to swim by jumping into the deep end. These small interactions taught me that talking to women wasn’t inherently terrifying—my anxiety about specific outcomes was.
What changed: After a few weeks of this, I realized women were just people. Revolutionary, I know. But my brain had built them up into something they weren’t. Casual interactions helped me see them as humans, not as judges evaluating my worth.
Tip 2: Fix Your Posture and Body Language
This sounds superficial, but it made a bigger difference than I expected.
I used to slouch, cross my arms, make myself smaller. I thought I was just being relaxed, but I was actually communicating insecurity.
I started consciously standing and sitting differently. Shoulders back, chest open, head up. Not puffed up or aggressive—just taking up the space I was entitled to.
Why this works: Your body language doesn’t just communicate to others—it communicates to your own brain. Standing confidently actually makes you feel more confident. It’s called embodied cognition, and it’s backed by research.
What changed: I felt more present and grounded. Women responded differently too—not because I suddenly looked like a model, but because I seemed more comfortable with myself.
Tip 3: Learn to Make Comfortable Eye Contact
Eye contact was terrifying for me. I’d either avoid it completely or stare too intensely in an awkward overcorrection.
I practiced this gradually. First, just making eye contact during regular conversations with friends. Then with acquaintances. Then with women I found attractive.
The key was making it natural, not forced. I’d make eye contact while speaking or listening, then look away naturally, then return. Not a staring contest—just normal human connection.
Why this works: Eye contact signals confidence and presence. It shows you’re not hiding or afraid. But it also helps you stay grounded in the conversation instead of spiraling in your head.
What changed: Conversations felt more connected. I stopped feeling like I was performing from a distance and started feeling like I was actually with the person I was talking to.
Tip 4: Get Genuinely Curious About Women as People
This was the biggest mindset shift for me.
I used to enter conversations with women thinking about what I should say, how I should act, whether they liked me. The entire interaction was about managing my anxiety and seeking validation.
Then I started getting genuinely curious. Not about whether they were interested in me—about who they actually were. What made them laugh? What did they care about? What was their energy like?
Why this works: Curiosity takes the focus off your performance and puts it on genuine connection. It’s also attractive—people can tell when you’re genuinely interested versus just trying to impress them.
What changed: Conversations became easier and more enjoyable. I wasn’t working so hard because I wasn’t performing anymore. I was just interested. And women responded to that authenticity.
Tip 5: Stop Apologizing for Taking Up Space
I used to apologize constantly. “Sorry to bother you.” “Sorry, that was a dumb joke.” “Sorry for talking so much.”
I apologized for existing in conversations, for having opinions, for taking up time and attention.
I started catching myself and stopping. I replaced apologies with thank yous when appropriate, or just said nothing at all.
Why this works: Constant apologizing signals that you don’t believe you deserve to be there. It undermines everything else you’re trying to build. Confident people don’t apologize for existing.
What changed: I felt more entitled to my own presence. And surprisingly, women seemed more comfortable around me—probably because I seemed more comfortable with myself.
Tip 6: Develop Competence in Something You Care About
Confidence isn’t just about social skills. It’s about knowing you’re capable.
I started investing time in things I genuinely cared about—for me, that was learning to cook well, getting better at my job, and picking up guitar again.
This wasn’t about becoming impressive to women. It was about becoming someone I respected.
Why this works: Real confidence comes from genuine competence and self-respect. When you know you’re developing yourself and contributing value to the world, you carry yourself differently.
What changed: I had more to talk about naturally because I was actually doing things. More importantly, I felt better about myself generally, which translated into being more comfortable around women.
Tip 7: Practice Saying Things Before They’re Perfect
I used to wait until I’d crafted the perfect comment or joke before speaking. By the time I’d polished it in my head, the conversation had moved on.
I started just saying things—not recklessly, but without requiring perfection first.
Why this works: Perfectionism kills spontaneity and makes you seem stiff. Real conversations are messy. People connect with authenticity, not polish.
What changed: My conversations became more natural and flowing. Sure, I said awkward things sometimes. But those imperfect moments made me human, not less. And women responded better to genuine, slightly imperfect me than to the carefully curated version I’d been trying to present.
Tip 8: Take Care of Your Physical Health
This isn’t about becoming a bodybuilder or looking like a model. It’s about feeling good in your body.
I started exercising regularly, sleeping better, eating food that actually fueled me. Nothing extreme—just basic self-care I’d been neglecting.
Why this works: Physical confidence translates into social confidence. When you feel strong, healthy, and energized, you carry yourself differently. Plus, exercise reduces baseline anxiety, which made social situations less triggering.
What changed: I had more energy in conversations. I felt less self-conscious about my body. I wasn’t constantly worried about how I looked because I felt healthy and capable.
Tip 9: Reframe Rejection as Information, Not Judgment
This was hard but essential.
I used to see any hint of disinterest from a woman as a verdict on my entire worth as a person. One awkward interaction would send me spiraling for days.
I started reframing rejection: it’s not about my fundamental value. It’s just information about compatibility in that moment with that person.
Not every woman will be interested. That’s not because I’m broken—it’s because people have preferences, timing matters, and chemistry is unpredictable.
Why this works: Fear of rejection is the root of most confidence issues. When rejection becomes less catastrophic in your mind, taking social risks becomes easier.
What changed: I could actually engage with women without my entire sense of self being on the line. Paradoxically, this made me more attractive because I wasn’t desperately seeking validation.
Tip 10: Surround Yourself with People Who Build You Up
I had friends who constantly put themselves down, complained about women, and reinforced negative beliefs about dating and relationships.
I started spending more time with people who were positive, supportive, and had healthy relationships. Not because my old friends were bad people, but because environment matters.
Why this works: You absorb the attitudes and beliefs of the people around you. If you’re surrounded by negativity and insecurity, it’s hard to build confidence. If you’re around people who believe in growth and connection, it’s easier.
What changed: My baseline mood and outlook improved. I stopped seeing interactions with women as adversarial or transactional. I started seeing them as opportunities for genuine human connection.
The Bigger Picture: Confidence Is a Practice, Not a Destination
Here’s what I wish someone had told me earlier: you don’t arrive at confidence and then maintain it forever. It’s something you practice, and some days are easier than others.
I still have moments of insecurity. I still sometimes feel awkward or uncertain. The difference is I don’t let those feelings stop me anymore.
Confidence isn’t about never feeling nervous. It’s about feeling nervous and engaging anyway. It’s about trusting that you’re enough, even when your anxiety is trying to convince you otherwise.
The women I’ve connected with most deeply weren’t attracted to some performance of confidence. They were attracted to authenticity, presence, and genuine interest. Those things come when you stop trying so hard to be confident and start actually being yourself.
If You’re Still Struggling
If you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s great for you, but I’m still stuck”—I get it. I’ve been there.
Start with one thing. Maybe it’s fixing your posture this week. Maybe it’s having one low-stakes conversation with a stranger. Maybe it’s just catching yourself when you apologize unnecessarily.
You don’t have to transform overnight. Small, consistent practices compound over time.
And remember: the goal isn’t to become someone else. It’s to become comfortable being yourself around women. Because the real you—the version that shows up when you’re not performing or hiding—is more interesting and attractive than any manufactured confidence could ever be.
That dinner where I sat across from that woman and barely said a word? A few months later, I ran into her again at another event. This time, I was different. Not because I’d become some smooth operator, but because I’d done the work to show up as myself.
We talked for an hour. She asked for my number. Nothing happened beyond a few dates—we weren’t ultimately compatible—but that wasn’t the point. The point was I’d given it a real shot. I’d been present, genuine, and confident enough to let her see who I actually was.
That’s all confidence really is: the willingness to show up as yourself, even when it feels vulnerable.
You can do this. I promise.
Disclaimer: This article shares personal experiences and general advice about building confidence in social situations. It is not professional psychological or therapeutic advice and should not replace consultation with qualified mental health professionals. If you’re experiencing significant social anxiety or other mental health challenges that impact your daily life, please reach out to a licensed therapist or counselor.